Mama's Doin' Her Creative Thang!

My older daughter come home from school Thursday enthusiastic about an opportunity to go to summer photography classes at the Academy of Art. Immediately, I felt resistant...too much money, too far, too much driving, but miraculously I kept my attitude neutral. I've had to learn to PAUSE before saying NO! I was busy "Elluminating" on Thursday night, so she shared her excitement and info with her dad. I have been ruminating for the last few days about the dynamics between parents and their children planning for the futures. Of course, that sounds so middle-aged and middle-class, but I fit both of those criteria officially. How do I as a mom support my daughters' (both of them!) dreams and aspirations? What do I say...yes, dear, art school is a great choice over an academic degree! Then risk my child will have no "back-up" plan. Do I press for my kids to make pragmatic choices, over creative ones, and risk limiting their artistic opportunities? WHERE DOES MY RESISTANCE COME FROM? Then, I realize, muddled in all of that, are feelings and thoughts I don't want to admit to...why didn't I get to go to art school or music school? Where is my opportunity for creative expression? 

When the girls were little I remember watching them tap dance their hearts out in sparkly costumes feeling a little heartbroken. Dance classes were too conventionally-female for my own liberated mother to allow me to attend. My mother fought for her own opportunities creatively and academic. Her children and her motherhood threatened her opportunities. She was a serious student and feminist in my childhood. Her vision was very narrow and self-focused. As a girl, I never had pink dresses...just jeans and Converse. As an adult, my heart still breaks for some reason to wear sequins! Well, after a huge hiatus, I have that opportunity to perform and wear sparkles singing in the band. My own creative expression has an outlet! I feel I have reclaimed a part of myself, but that part had not even existed yet! So, at 40, I finally became a singer. It feels like I can finally breathe, inhaling deeply. But I know I still have some other creative energies lurking inside...waiting. It could be drawing or painting or something digital...or all of the above. It is buried further, beneath the music. It's time for it to be released.

So, meanwhile, my life now is not an either/or world. My own creativity can be expressed...while I help cultivate my daughters' opportunities. It's not too late for me or too early for them. I can support them while I continue to find my own creative voice. And I can't wait to see what my girls will do in all of their endeavors!

Of course...much time has passed since last post, but, alas...the actual living of life must precede the chronicling of it! I can't resist reflecting on the Inauguration. I watch with 90 quiet and respectful 5th graders. In general, they didn't really get it...but they listened, clapped, stood with asked and even bowed their little heads during the prayers. It was an uncomfortable intersection of prayer in school for me...but it was part of a national ceremony and they weren't forced to participate. I was struck by all of the hoopla over the course of the last few days. I love that music is such a big part of making these ceremonies have more meaning. But I have to say, by about 30 minutes into the Neighborhood Ball, I couldn't watch anymore pop stars perform. Hearing people try to recreate classic song poorly was painful. Honestly, no one could hold a candle to Stevie. Move out of the way, young whippersnappers, and let the old man still get the job done! I love to see old singers with their pipes intact. It gives me hope that I'll be singing into old age. Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to a few weeks off of Touro life...enjoy yourselves. See you next semester!

Edgy Political Commentary!

I've posted a heavy video my husband created for our shows. The song is an indictment of war profiteers that have influenced U.S. foreign policy, at the peril of our soldiers and our Bill of Rights. Not really for the faint-of-heart. So, pass if you are feeling sensitive. It has been known to offend some of our audience members. It has been incredibly well-received at most of our shows! 

Dogs of War (Music by Pink Floyd/Video by Rich Harley)

P.S. I hope our president-elect does not give us any material for videos like this! I guess we'll see...

My head is heading in too many directions!

Try as I may...my wonderfully circuitous brain is undermining itself. My brain has a pattern all of its own, which I have embraced in my old age. I am not a linear gal, and I really can accept that. The only danger is when I've gotten myself too busy, then I'm in trouble. My brain stops being creative place to be. Quickly, all the curly-cues become stunted and the flourishes die off. I'm left with little wisps of ideas that disintegrate when I reach for them. It's a sad, sad place to live. Then, I get on my own nerves! I find myself daydreaming about one of my favorite lyrics (from the B-52's)..."Get a job! What for? I need time to think!"...it's from a song called "The Deadbeats Club". It conjures up spending the day in coffeehouses having deep thoughts with your caffinated friends. Man, I miss those days! It's all about orthodonists, doctor appointments, grading papers, Touro assignments and that damned research textbook. I'm worried that (in the words of Gob from Arrested Development)..."I've made a huge mistake!" Sigh. More will be revealed!

Wrapping up the fall season

We closed out the fall season at Vacaville Ulatis Center. It was a well-attended show, but not the sold-out show we had there last year. Sensitive musicians do take that a little personally. But overall, a good show. The theater is a beautiful, state-of-the-art facility...really a pleasure to perform in. The sound was excellent, which makes it a pleasure to sing! We have to rely upon the house sound people when we play these large theaters. Lots of subtle elements go into good sound. There is stage sound and house sound. The house sound needs to be mixed well with good effects so the audience has an enjoyable experience. The stage sound is a bit more complicated. Each musician has a monitor which needs to be mixed to their liking. More guitar, please! Less keyboards! More of this or that voice! Multiply that by seven band members! And with a band full of musician who have lost their hearing...it's a challenge. Strangely, I also had a good number of past or present students in attendance. The show is definitely PG-13, so it's a bit nerve-wracking. I warn their parents that it's not a kids show...so buyer, beware! Now, that it's all wrapped up until a couple of shows in late December, I can do my tasks at hand...report cards, conferences, and class assignments!

Looking forward to...

I am thinking about how we are solidly into autumn...report cards are due soon, and our last show for 6 weeks is this weekend. I am thinking about how in 10 days or so, I will be through my many tasks of the last few months. I am thinking about how I can catch up on various elements of our classes over the break. I am thinking I may just make it after all!