Wednesday, December 10, 2008
My head is heading in too many directions!
Try as I may...my wonderfully circuitous brain is undermining itself. My brain has a pattern all of its own, which I have embraced in my old age. I am not a linear gal, and I really can accept that. The only danger is when I've gotten myself too busy, then I'm in trouble. My brain stops being creative place to be. Quickly, all the curly-cues become stunted and the flourishes die off. I'm left with little wisps of ideas that disintegrate when I reach for them. It's a sad, sad place to live. Then, I get on my own nerves! I find myself daydreaming about one of my favorite lyrics (from the B-52's)..."Get a job! What for? I need time to think!"...it's from a song called "The Deadbeats Club". It conjures up spending the day in coffeehouses having deep thoughts with your caffinated friends. Man, I miss those days! It's all about orthodonists, doctor appointments, grading papers, Touro assignments and that damned research textbook. I'm worried that (in the words of Gob from Arrested Development)..."I've made a huge mistake!" Sigh. More will be revealed!
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2 comments:
I can totally relate to what you're saying, Mel. Sometimes my fingers shake and my head feels like it's going to explode. The whole Christmas shopping ritual just adds to the stress. I dislike shopping to begin with (my husband does all the grocery shopping), so this time of year makes me feel especially Grinchy. Even as I look forward to winter break, I get a gnawing anxiety at the pit of my stomach because each day will be packed with obligations and I know I'll have a stack of stories to grade from my students, and day trips planned, and big family meals to prepare. And the family parts will be fun and wonderful, but I worry that I won't be able to enjoy them because there are some many things I want to do and need to do, and things to read and . . . well, I know you get the idea. Have I bitten off more than I can chew?? There is some consolation in knowing others feel the same way too.
Ahhh...you flit in your head...I flit around the house...attention deficit all over the place....I start a project, be it large or small and abandon it mindlessly(as I have no idea I am doing it at the time) when a new issue pops in my head. My husband shakes his head and runs around behind me putting stuff away...which puts me back at my starting point later....just like a dog chasing its tail.
Oh...and Mark has heard from me more than a dozen times...maybe I should quit...so he has decided to help me celebrate every step...it keeps me going.
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